Anonymous ASKED:
Hi! First if all, I really appreciate your blog. My question is somewhat personal, so I understand if you don't want to answer. Was it difficult to find a guy who supports you politically?I'm having a really hard time romantically because almost all the guys I meet seem really gross politically and socially, and I'm starting to feel like I should just lower my standards. )-:


DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. Being with someone who makes you feel bad about the things that are important to you or who you have to change yourself to be with will never make you happier than learning to be okay with being alone, trust me. Real, supportive love and companionship requires trust and honesty, neither of which thrive when one partner makes the other feel like they can’t be themselves and still be loved, or makes them afraid that if they say the wrong thing they will be punished for it. No man is worth you compromising yourself in order to be with him.

To answer your initial question, yes, it was incredibly difficult for me to find a man who made me feel supported and cared for, who could keep up with me intellectually and emotionally but who challenged me when it was important, but who also doesn’t make me worry that if I’m too angry or too passionate or too aggressive about the things that are important to me, he’s going to bail. It was difficult and I dated a lot of creeps and assholes in the interim. While it was worth it for me to go through that to meet him, that doesn’t mean you HAVE to endure that shit on the chance that the next one is going to be The Good One. You can opt out of the system if it’s not satisfying you or making your life more difficult than it’s worth, and you’re not required to go through all of the dating hoops if it’s not working for you, temporarily or permanently. Always prioritize yourself.

"I wish you lived next door…" - Oh, do I ever. (via ashleyellis91)